By 09:03

I wouldn't be surprised if someone from the future teleported into my bedroom in a blink of an eyelid to foretell my death.
That I would be the cause of my destruction.
As pessimistic as I am, I know I know, I've never felt more certain in my lifetime that this represents my character and mindset.
One of my fatal flaws is the art of jealousy. Oh my god I am so very very jealous. Whether it be a close friend, possession of an item, love or just achievements, it's endless. It's like I'm drowning in a boundless expanse of jealousy.
Among the many reasons on it's tremendous effect on how I live my life, one I want to emphasize is jealousy among close friends. Whether it be them owning a possession, reaching an achievement, etc. I can't help it because all I see is jealousy. However, what really amazes me is the after taste of such a thought. Ideas such as: " I'll never be better than them",  "Why am I so selfish" or even "I'll have to accept that I'll always be the latter" eventually lead me into a micro mental breakdown. I reach to the point where I learn to accept that they are better than I am and will forever be, so there is really no point in trying. It's actually quite saddening how I choose the path of defeat before the race even begins because I'm scared of failure and the humiliation that comes hand in hand. Trying produces such an unlikely outcome, and believing that I'm not 'good' in something or worth anything will hesitate me  to try. And so, I continue to walk my path of jealousy and as I said potentially, self destruction.
*machine whirs* *red alarms go off* *explosion and electric guitar riff*
Well there we go, my little passage of jealousy.
Question: Are you motivated by jealousy? How do you deal with this annoying feeling?
xxx HML

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